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On this site, I share a lot of advice for decluttering your physical space. Tips for getting rid of things you’ve accumulated that you no longer have use for. The same principle goes for our minds. We can collect “psychic clutter” – old habits and beliefs that helped us thrive in childhood but currently hinder us. For more about the concept of psychic clutter, check out my Enneagram 1 post. This post focuses on the Enneagram 9.
The Enneagram is a personality typology system that outlines 9 types, each defined by a core fear and core motivation. To learn more, check out this list of Enneagram books, which highlights the best options for beginners. You can also refer to online sources like the Enneagram Institute. Free online tests are available, but don’t take the result as gospel. Read about the top 3 types your answers aligned with and consider which seems most accurate. Only you can determine your type.
How does personality typology relate to intentional living? The first step to becoming more intentional is to cultivate self-awareness. And systems like the Enneagram offer a structure for us to better understand our motivations.
Also, if you’re into self-improvement, you know generic advice doesn’t work. We’ve all experienced reading some advice, trying it out, and failing. Sometimes that leaves us cynical about the concept of self-development. But usually, the advice wasn’t bad. It was just good for another person. We need self-awareness to discern which advice to follow.
I’ll start with a description of the Enneagram 9 below. If it sounds like you, keep reading for ideas of what “psychic clutter” you can clear to make space for more fulfillment.
Who is the Enneagram 9?
The Enneagram 9 is often called “the Peacemaker.” They’re excellent mediators, because their core motivation is to create inner and outer harmony. They always strive to create a harmonious environment and eliminate conflict. The core fear fueling this motivation is of separation from others. 9s are conflict-avoidant because they fear conflict will damage relationships irreparably.
Type 9s are easygoing, agreeable, and comforting. They have a healing and serene presence that makes others feel calm and accepted. They rarely express anger because they don’t have conscious access to it most of the time. Laid back 9s are often shocked to learn they’re part of the “Anger Triad” with 8s and 1s. While 8s over-express their anger and 1s turn it inwards towards themselves, 9s push it into the unconscious. But as we know, nothing in the unconscious is truly gone. It takes an immense amount of energy to hold back this anger, and 9s can therefore lack energy to pursue their own goals.
Enneagram 9s often felt overlooked as children. They may have had many siblings, or they grew up in a chaotic environment where they focused on smoothing things over or placating a parent. Through these experiences, they learned it’s best not to “cause trouble” by expressing their needs. They strove to be the “good” child that made things easy for their caregivers. Feeling they wouldn’t be able to get what they wanted anyway, they told themselves that they actually prefer to be in the background. This set up a lifetime of what Riso and Hudson call “self-forgetting.”
9 is one of the most common types, and many well-known people are typed as 9s: Queen Elizabeth II, Abraham Lincoln, Carl Jung, Joseph Campbell, Gloria Steinem, Audrey Hepburn, Morgan Freeman, and Barack Obama to name a few.
Strengths and Weaknesses of the Enneagram 9
The Enneagram 9 is often spiritual, and they can be excellent spiritual teachers. But they can drift too easily into fantasy, especially when their environment is stressful. Although 9s appear down-to-earth, their minds retreat to daydreams more often than others realize. It’s challenging for them to stay present.
9s are excellent mediators because they truly understand others’ perspectives and can hold opposing viewpoints at once in harmony. Others usually appreciate the 9’s ability to listen non-judgmentally. But they can get so wrapped up in understanding others that they don’t have a strong sense of their own opinions. In fact, they don’t have a strong sense of identity. Instead, they may outsource their identity through a partner, or simply retreat to the “inner sanctum,” as Riso and Hudson put it, of their minds. Again, the unconscious fear is that asserting themselves as individuals, promoting their own desires, will upset others and harm their connection.
The Type 9 is optimistic and focuses on the bright side of life. And that’s a fantastic quality. But if you never address the dark side, you don’t truly engage with life. While their optimism is a strength, they need to resist the temptation to simply ignore situations that are challenging.
Type 9s are modest and self-effacing, which makes them likeable and easy to get along with. But their tendency to erase themselves holds them back and leads others to underestimate them.
At their best, 9s learn to ground themselves and be present through all situations – even unpleasant ones. They learn to advocate for themselves and be honest with others. They then can forge the genuine, deep relationships that they want. At their worst, they can retreat within themselves, become inactive, and even completely dissociate from reality.
What Do You Need to Let Go as an Enneagram 9?
So, what beliefs and habits can the Enneagram 9 declutter for a more fulfilling and intentional life?
1. Everyone Else’s Desires
If you’re a 9, you naturally focus on what others want and need. To the point where you honestly don’t know what you want or need. It sounds odd to other types, but it’s genuinely difficult for 9s to answer the question, “What do you want?” While their loved ones may think the 9 is holding back their true desires, the truth is that they simply do not know. Why don’t they know what their true desires are? Because they’re holding every other person’s priorities in their minds, which creates immense clutter. There’s too much noise to sort through for them to find their own priorities.
The Enneagram 9 needs intentional living and essentialism perhaps more than any other type. Deciding what your goals are, and what’s important to you personally, will be a challenging exercise. But it’s step 1 in the process of personal growth.
2. Your Belief that You Don’t Matter
core belief of the 9 is that others’ needs matter more than theirs. While this may seem noble on the surface, it leads to all kinds of negative outcomes in life. Dissatisfaction, for one. Since they don’t pursue what they truly want, and instead go along with others’ priorities, they’ll always feel some dissatisfaction. Of course, another outcome is resentment. 9s instinctively acquiesce to others without thinking, and over time, this builds resentment towards those close to them. What 9s have to realize, though, is that others are not forcing them to follow their priorities. Rather, the 9 is willingly sacrificing their own needs and wants.
Another negative outcome is simply an unintentional life. It’s easy for a Type 9 to drift along with others’ goals without really examining what they want. It’s vital to clear out this belief that you don’t matter in order to start implementing the principles of essentialism and leading an intentional life. In order to create the life you want, you have to know what you want. And you have to believe that you deserve to go after it.
3. Your Aversion to Conflict
The Enneagram 9 is averse to conflict. This doesn’t sound so bad on the surface. After all, who wants a conflict? (Well, 8s do, but everyone else would prefer to avoid it.) In fact, 9s get praise for being easygoing, especially in childhood as the “easy” kid who never caused their parents stress. People generally like 9s for exactly this laid-back attitude.
But here’s the thing: sometimes conflict is necessary. If you believe conflict is always bad, you’ll repress feelings even in situations where it’s more appropriate to express them. That pattern has negative effects on your own psyche. But beyond that, you can only do it for so long. Have you ever felt the straw that broke the camel’s back and lost it on someone because of something trivial? That’s what happens when you push down your anger. And sadly, it reinforces your belief that showing anger will damage relationships. Because your response is over-the-top, it may well harm your relationship with someone. But it’s not because you started a conflict. If you’d spoken up at the first sign of something you didn’t like, it would have been tamer, and it could be easily resolved.
Another common way 9s release anger is through passive aggression. While they don’t consciously want to express aggression, it comes out in small ways – little comments or “forgetting” to do something you agreed (but didn’t really want) to do. This behavior also harms your relationships with others. Ironically, it causes the exact outcome (damage to relationships) you were trying to avoid when you decided not to engage in conflict.
You’re not going to immediately start asserting yourself instinctively like an 8 when you begin this journey. But just decluttering this belief that conflict is taboo has an immense impact.
4. Your Habit of Tuning Out
As a 9, your inner world is a safe space where you can retreat when things get tough. This “inner sanctum” is an important space. However, you need to let go of your habit of drifting there at the slightest sign of unease. Even if a Type 9 can’t physically remove themselves from a situation they don’t want to deal with (e.g., an argument at home or in the workplace), they have perfected the art of dissociation. This strategy allows them to mentally “tune out” and achieve the same result. Their inner world protected them in childhood, in situations they were powerless to change. But as an adult, the habit of checking out when things get hard prevents them from fully engaging with life and with others.
Practice noticing when you’ve drifted away and consciously tune back in. Even in unpleasant situations, practice being present. Over time, you’ll start to realize that the unpleasantness isn’t fatal. You can survive it and move past it. And in fact, you’ll find that dealing with problems head on is the best way to solve them. If you keep tuning out and refusing to engage, the same problems will return again and again.
5. The Barriers Blocking You from Intensity
Enneagram 9s shield themselves from both outer experiences (like stressful or traumatic events) and inner experiences (strong emotional reactions or urges, such as anger, fear, aggression, or even excitement). This habit allows them to maintain the serenity of a Buddhist monk at all times, a quality which other types might envy.
Although the 9 does this so unconsciously that they don’t even realize they’re doing it, it takes an immense amount of energy to hold that wall against outer and inner influence. And the cost is that you don’t have the energy to pursue your own goals. You’re also not being honest with yourself or with others when you hold back to this degree. Again, ironically, this holding back creates conflicts with others and breaks relationships – exactly the things you fear.
Imagine letting this wall down. Setting down that burden and releasing all the energy that’s gone into holding it for so long. And think about all the things you could accomplish if those energy reserves were freed up and available to you. While 9s appear passive on the surface, they have enormous amounts of determination and will. Directing those qualities towards something positive – your own life goals – will make you unstoppable. But you have to let go of the “wall” first.
What Do You Think?
Are you an Enneagram 9, or are you close to one? Have you noticed any of the psychic clutter above? Have you succeeded in decluttering any of it? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!
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