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I’ve shared plenty of tips about how to declutter your physical space. But our minds also collect clutter. This clutter consists of habits, beliefs, and thought patterns accumulated in our youth that no longer serve us. While clearing physical clutter can be empowering, clearing mental clutter is life changing. This series on the Enneagram addresses how each type can declutter their minds. I’m writing individual posts on each type, because each type has unique psychic clutter. For more context, check out the introduction to my first post about the Enneagram 1. This post focuses on the Enneagram 8.
I want to first address how I see personality typology as a useful tool when for intentional living. Systems like the Enneagram show how differently people’s individual psyches can operate, proving that one-size-fits-all advice isn’t helpful. I love the way Riso & Hudson explain this in The Wisdom of the Enneagram:
…what is good advice for one person can be disastrous for another. Telling some types that they need to focus more on their feelings is like throwing water on a drowning man. Telling other types that they need to assert themselves more is as foolish as putting an anorexic person on a diet.
If you’re not familiar with the Enneagram, it’s a personality typology system that lays out 9 personality types, each rooted in a core fear. You can check out sites like the Enneagram Institute for a quick overview. Or you may want to explore some books about the Enneagram. Many books include questionnaires to determine your type. You can also take a free online test. However, don’t assume that the test result is the final answer. It can help you narrow down options to read about, but your type is best determined through introspection.
In this post, we’ll start with a brief description of the Enneagram 8. If it resonates with you, continue reading for suggestions about what mental clutter you can discard to make room for personal growth and fulfillment.
Who is the Enneagram 8?
Some nicknames for the Enneagram 8 include The Challenger, The Protector, The Leader, and The Rock. Those alone should give you a sense of who we’re dealing with. The 8’s core motivation is to be in control of their environment and to protect themselves from domination. In short, they aim to be strong and independent. This motivation counters their core unconscious fear of being controlled or hurt by others.
8s believe the world is hostile, life is tough, and you need to be tough in order to survive. In any group – a workplace, a family, a team – they prefer to be in charge. Similar to the Enneagram 4, many 8s felt rejected as children and like they were outsiders in their world. While 4s respond by creating an identity as a tragically misunderstood artist, 8s respond by insisting they don’t need anyone anyway.
Famous Type 8s include Martin Luther King, Jr., Lyndon Johnson, Donald Trump, Ernest Hemingway, Saddam Hussein, Frank Sinatra, Serena Williams, Clint Eastwood, Mae West, and Rosie O’Donnell. As you can see, this club includes some strong personalities.
Strengths and Weaknesses of the Enneagram 8
The Enneagram 8 has many strengths. They possess an innate ability to lead others as well as immense willpower and energy. They rise to challenges enthusiastically. With their incredible strength and persistence, they make an impact on their environment and don’t go unnoticed. At their best, they’re natural leaders who have the momentum to rally others and make things happen. They are quite decisive and don’t spend time waffling. Because they’re not people pleasers, they can take initiative and make decisions that are necessary but unpopular. And although less healthy 8s can come off as bullies, most actually have a strong desire to protect others around them.
On the flip side, their toughness and persistence can lead them to ignore their physical needs. Feeling invincible, they may not take care of their health. The Enneagram 8 also tends to ignore the need for emotional intimacy with others. They want so badly to protect their vulnerable side that they use their power and strength to push others away. If others can get close, they could hurt the 8, which less healthy 8s believe is too dangerous to risk.
Though they have a lot of trouble admitting it – even to themselves – they fear being rejected. Their strategy to avoid this outcome? Reject others first. The more they sense that others don’t respect them, the more they shut down emotionally and shove others away. They are very in tune with their anger and generally don’t hold back in expressing it. And this behavior can also serve to keep others at arm’s length.
What Do You Need to Let Go as an Enneagram 8?
If the description above sounds like you, the tips below provide some food for thought about what beliefs and habits you can “declutter” in order to create a more fulfilling life.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to say, “your anger,” because let’s be realistic.
1. Your Tough Exterior
If you’re an 8, you’ve been told you’re intimidating. While 8s usually don’t see it themselves, they come off as a bit…scary. While you think you’re being direct, others interpret your communication style as harsh or angry. Based on your posture, expressions, and tone of voice, people immediately know they should approach with caution. Of course, that’s what the 8 wants: to be regarded as someone not to be messed with.
But what’s at the core of this show of dominance? Childhood experiences that left the 8 feeling betrayed, abandoned, and having to fend for themselves. If you’re honest with yourself, a lot of this bravado serves to cover that you’re just as sensitive to hurt and rejection as anyone else.
While this protective shell functions fairly well to keep those with bad intentions away from you, it’s even more effective at driving away people who would like to get to know you. Sure, your demeanor keeps you safe, but it also keeps you isolated, without truly close relationships that could add so much joy to your life.
It’s also just a lot to carry. A suit of armor is effective for protecting yourself, but it’s also incredibly heavy. Since you’ve been lugging it around since childhood, you’re probably not even conscious of how much of a burden it is. Sure, put it on when you’re heading into battle. But on a normal day? Wouldn’t it be a relief to walk freely without all the armor?
Try paying attention to your body language and tone of voice. See if you can intentionally soften them a bit. (Even if you believe others are simply being too sensitive when they respond by backing away.) And then see what the results are. How do people react to you differently?
Your longer-term project will be letting down your defenses to allow others – your partner, your family, your close friends – to actually get to know you. Including your vulnerable side. This is an intimidating task, but you’ll find as you practice more and more that others are not as hostile as you feared. Many people have your best interests at heart and would love to know you deeply.
2. Your Need to Be in Charge of Every Situation
As I stated above, the Enneagram 8’s leadership skills are a strength. They’re important and useful in situations in which you need to lead. For example, if you’re in a position of authority in the workplace, you can effectively manage those under you in order to drive results.
That being said, not every situation in life requires that you lead. When you’re a part of a group in which someone else is the leader (a team, a volunteer activity, a job), do you find yourself frustrated and confronting the leader at every turn? It’s common for these situations to turn into struggles over dominance when Type 8s are involved. You may not respect the leadership style of the person in charge, or you may simply resent being told what to do. If this sounds familiar, think about a time this has happened. Was the result helpful? Did it make the group more effective in achieving its goal? Or did it create unnecessary conflict that derailed the group’s purpose?
In addition to being difficult for group dynamics, this habit harms you personally. Needing to always be the leader creates immense pressure. The responsibility is a burden that you never give yourself permission to set down. Over time, it’s exhausting. Imagine how freeing it would feel to give yourself a break from leading all the time.
Sometimes, you can let someone else be in charge. While your subconscious mind will scream the opposite, the reality is that you won’t lose any standing, and you won’t be dominated. Even when you choose to give way to others, you are still almost certainly the strongest person in the room.
3. Your Belief that the World is Hostile
The Enneagram 8 sees the world as hostile and unforgiving. They learned early in life that you have to be tough to survive. This worldview leads you to don that armor we talked about in #1 above and treat others in an adversarial way on instinct. That’s how you protected yourself as a young person. But decluttering is all about examining what we’ve held on too for too long. Things that no longer serve us the way they used to. This perspective is one of those things.
In reality, many people are kind and care deeply about you. When under stress, in unhealthy, belligerent 8 behavior, you make it very hard for people to treat you with kindness. This just reinforces your belief that everyone is against you, and you double down on protecting yourself. You can see how this turns into a vicious cycle.
If your worldview tells you that others are going to hurt you or treat you unfairly, you end up lashing out when it’s not warranted. And the result is ironically creating what you fear: others who feel attacked, view you as an enemy, and who may even band together against you.
The Enneagram 8 tends to expect that others will resist them. And that makes them push by default. Instead of starting with a simple request, an 8 will make a forceful demand. The problem is that this communication style makes others less likely to cooperate.
You could experience so much more joy if you dropped this belief that the world is out to get you. It’s true that danger exists, and some people have bad intentions. But the majority of people you encounter don’t harbor any ill will towards you. Acting like they do pushes them away and isolates you.
4. Your desire for Complete Self-Reliance
The Enneagram 8 strives to be fully independent. Since they don’t trust others to have their backs, they aim to rely only on themselves. If they never depend on anyone, they figure, they can’t be let down. Some more extreme 8s try to avoid dependence on others by going off the grid and becoming rugged outdoorsmen. Some simply try to dominate others, so it’s clear they’re not reliant on them.
But here’s the thing. Humans are social creatures, and the fact is that you exist in a network of others. It is literally impossible to survive on your own, much less to thrive. When you try to do everything yourself, you burden yourself with immense stress. Everything becomes harder than it needs to be. And you carry heavy loads that simply aren’t necessary for you to shoulder alone. Now, the Type 8 is an extraordinarily strong person who can handle these burdens better than most. So, they often don’t even realize the pressure they live with on a daily basis or the fact that it doesn’t need to be that way.
Wouldn’t it be a relief to let go of some of what you’re carrying? To allow yourself to relax a bit? Consider trusting others to handle certain things for you. Let them prove that they have your back when you need them.
What Do You Think?
Are you an Enneagram 8, or are you close to one? What do you think about the suggestions above? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!
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