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Intentional living is something I write about a lot on this blog. Concepts like minimalism and essentialism feed into the same goal: a more purposeful life. As I’ve discussed before in my Enneagram series, I see personality typology as a powerful tool in creating an intentional life. Knowing your Myers Briggs personality type can help you understand what motivates you and what is fulfilling to you, personally. Generic advice about creating a meaningful life doesn’t work, because it’s a different journey for each personality type. In this post, we’ll focus on the personality type INFJ.
If you’re not familiar with the Myers Briggs (MBTI) system, you can read the basics at Simply Psychology. It’s based on a theory of cognitive functions put forth by Swiss psychologist Carl Jung. To find your type, you can try a free online test. However, I don’t recommend that you take the result as a final answer. A multiple-choice quiz can help you narrow things down, but you’ll only discover your type through introspection. I recommend reading about the types at a source like the Myers and Briggs Foundation or 16 Personalities and choosing the top three that sound like you. Then, dig deeper into those types, get input from loved ones who know you well, and determine which is your best-fit type.
I wrote about MBTI in my post about how to declutter your home based on your Myers Briggs type. But I’m starting this series because I want to dig deeper into how to create an intentional life based on your type.
Below, I’ll summarize the personality type INFJ. If it resonates with you, keep reading for ideas about how to make your life more purposeful.
Who is the Personality Type INFJ?
In the cognitive function model, INFJs lead with Introverted Intuition. That means they’re introverts: they focus on their inner world more than sensory reality. This function likes high-level theory – the “big picture” – more than details. It’s also future-focused: it recognizes patterns and draws conclusions about future outcomes. The pattern recognition and processing of data happens subconsciously for INFJs. This means they often can’t explain how they arrived at their prediction. But they’re usually accurate.
Introverted Intuition also allows INFJs to easily see others’ perspectives. INFJs often become teachers and psychologists because of this knack for understanding what’s going on in other people’s minds.
The future focus of this function means INFJs prefer to plan things in advance. Situations requiring improvisation cause significant stress.
INFJs’ Introverted Intuition works closely with their second function, Extraverted Feeling, which aims to create harmony among groups of people. Consequently, INFJs are generally empathetic. But they also tend to ignore their own desires in favor of what they perceive others need or want. Over time, this builds subconscious resentment.
Because of the combination of Introverted Intuition and Extraverted Feeling, INFJs often have grand visions for humanity. They think about how to improve the lives of people at a large scale – communities, societies – even the world. They are idealistic and feel fulfilled when they are helping others.
Their weakest function is Extraverted Sensing, meaning they’re not attuned to their surroundings. Activities requiring focus on their environment and things happening in the moment – sports, riding motorcycles, dancing – will quickly drain the INFJ. They tend not to enjoy these activities and prefer to stay in their heads. However, ignoring Extraverted Sensing creates a rut. They start to feel they lack inspiration. But they often don’t recognize the solution is more real-world exploration, physical exertion, and spontaneity.
Why You Need Intentional Living as a Personality Type INFJ
There are a few reasons that the concept of intentional living appeals to INFJs.
1. INFJs Want to Have Meaning in Everything They Do
Introverted Intuition means INFJs want to have meaning in everything they do. They have a strong sense of purpose and will feel lost – even more so than other types – without a sense of meaning. They’re not likely to choose a career without personal meaning just for the paycheck. Figuring out what is most meaningful to them and engineering their lives to focus more on that creates a much higher level of fulfillment for INFJs.
2. INFJs Are People-Pleasers
Extroverted Feeling means INFJs tend to go along with others too much. They focus on what others think and feel even more than what they think and feel themselves. This can lead them to lose touch with their priorities in life. They can even lose touch with what they enjoy. It also means they sometimes sacrifice their values to make life easier for others around them. Since their values are incredibly important to their sense of identity, this kind of sacrifice to keep the peace makes them deeply unhappy. As I’ll describe below, living intentionally starts with identifying your most important values and goals. Putting those into words and keeping them at the top of your mind makes it much easier to say “no” and push back when something doesn’t align.
3. INFJs Are Idealists
INFJs want to make the world a better place. But they can end up feeling jaded when their efforts don’t make a huge impact, or when others take advantage of their earnest and self-sacrificing nature. Sometimes, they care about so many different causes that they feel paralyzed and can’t work towards any of them. When INFJs embrace intentional living, they decide which cause is the most vital for them to support. They recognize that they can’t solve every world problem, and they start to focus their energy in one direction. Instead of diffusing their energy in a thousand directions, they have focus and purpose. By doing so, they maximize their impact. This provides them greater life satisfaction.
4. INFJs Are Big-Picture Thinkers
INFJs are big-picture thinkers who often ponder the ideal world that would benefit all of humanity. But they don’t spend enough time thinking about their own ideal lives. Living intentionally provides a big-picture framework for directing their own lives. It forces you to ask, in the broadest sense, what is most important to me? What kind of life would be ideal for me? And based on the answer to that question, how should I organize and edit my life?
5. INFJs Love Personal Development…Sometimes Too Much
A trait I’ve seen in most people with the personality type INFJ is that they are very ambitious with self-improvement projects. They’re likely to set too many goals and find too many areas in need of improvement. As I’ve discussed on this blog, this is a big mistake when it comes to goal setting. When you have too many goals, you don’t have the time, energy, or focus to actually achieve them. You end up making tiny bursts of progress in a lot of directions instead of life-changing progress in just one or two. When you decide to live intentionally, you narrow down a very small list of goals that matter most to you. You consciously set aside the rest, which frees up energy to put into what truly fulfills you.
How to Start Living Intentionally as a Personality Type INFJ
So, we’ve seen all the ways intentional living can change your life as a personality type INFJ. But on a practical level, how can you implement it?
Your First Step: Determine Your Primary Goals
The first step for anyone embarking on an intentional living journey is to determine your primary goals. This is not an easy task by any means. For help, see this post with self-reflection journal prompts to help you discover what’s most important to you and what’s peripheral.
For INFJs, determining their goals means setting aside what others want and need. If you were making decisions just for yourself, what would you choose? That’s not to say you have to make selfish decisions or avoid taking your loved ones into account. But you should at least know what you personally want more than anything else. Trying to ignore those desires and focus on others will eventually lead to resentment and dissatisfaction.
What You’ll Struggle with as a Personality Type INFJ – And How to Cope
1. Prioritizing Others Too Much
As we discussed in the section above, INFJs are others-focused and willing to sacrifice their desires to make others happy. Sometimes they can’t even articulate what they want, because they’re too caught up in others’ needs. A common trap that keeps us in unintentional, unfulfilling lives is absorbing others’ values, or even our society’s values, without thinking critically about them. How many middle-aged people have you heard say that they reached a certain age and realized they’d done all the “right” things in terms of career, family, and finances and accidentally created lives they weren’t satisfied with? Or that they followed a path that made their parents proud, but which felt empty for them?
INFJs, like others who use Extraverted Feeling, are highly in tune with the values of their communities. Which makes it especially easy for them to fall into this trap.
Living with intention means knowing what your priorities are, beyond what anyone else thinks. It doesn’t mean you’ll never sacrifice what you want for someone else. But you’ll at least recognize when it’s happening and make the decision consciously.
2. Not Saying “No”
Again, INFJs tend to be people-pleasers. That’s not a bad thing. People generally enjoy their company and appreciate them as empathetic listeners who are willing to lend a helping hand. It only becomes a problem with the INFJ takes on too much for others and doesn’t leave any time for their own priorities.
It’s especially hard for INFJs (and others with strong Extraverted Feeling) to disappoint other people. They’d rather take on too much than hurt someone’s feelings by telling them “no.” But intentional living requires saying “no” to most things. That’s the only way you’ll have time and energy for what matters to you.
INFJs will inevitably struggle with this part. But having a clear idea of your goals will help immensely. You’ll be able to ask yourself if saying “yes” is going to compromise your values or cut into time you have for something more important to you. It will provide clarity that makes your “yes” or “no” answer much easier.
3. Not Wanting to Disappoint Others
When you pursue a life that’s totally authentic to you, your decisions will almost certainly upset certain people. Maybe your mom is very proud of your prestigious career that’s making you miserable. Or perhaps your spouse is supportive of you quitting your job to figure out your next career path, but you know it would create financial stress for them. These negative impacts on others around them will really weigh on the INFJ.
Allow yourself to disappoint and inconvenience others sometimes. You can continue to be thoughtful and empathetic. But ultimately your life is yours. If you’re constantly worried about how others will be impacted, you’ll never experience living authentically and aligning with your true purpose.
4. Being Too Ambitious with Life Priorities.
As stated above, INFJs are very motivated by the idea of self-improvement and accomplishing things. When setting life goals, it wouldn’t be unusual for them to draft 50 “top priorities” for their lives off the top of their heads. They are idealists and dreamers, after all.
Narrowing their goals to only a handful will be challenging. But it is possible. And it’s necessary if you want to live with intention. Remind yourself that you don’t need to figure this out in one day. Take time to reflect. Journal your thoughts. And over time, you’ll discover the answer.
5. Hesitating to Make Big Changes
INFJs have a vision they’re working toward. This future-focused type likes to plan things out and be prepared. When plans change and they need to adapt in the moment, they feel very stressed.
When you start moving toward living with intention, your plans will inevitably need to shift. While some of the more spontaneous types might be excited by a big life change, the personality type INFJ will be very uncomfortable. Living authentically requires a certain level of courage. But that doesn’t mean you need to change your life all at once. First get clear on what needs to change. And then do you what you do best – make a plan! Just don’t let yourself sit in the planning phase – where you’re most comfortable – forever. Make sure your plan has dates for specific actions you’ll take.
Superpowers of the INFJ personality type
We just covered what you’ll find challenging about this process as a personality type INFJ. But let’s look at the positive side. Many elements of intentional living will actually come easier to the INFJ than to other types.
1. Finding What’s Meaningful to Them
As we said above, INFJs long for meaning in everything they do. Remembering their big-picture purpose comes naturally to them. Others may get lost in day-to-day concerns and lose sight of their intentions. But INFJs will find it easy to direct their focus to what is meaningful to them. Once they get clear on what they care about most, they become unstoppable.
2. Sticking with Goals.
In January each year, people love to quote statistics about how most New Year’s resolutions are discarded by February. Everyone can relate to how hard it is to stay on track with a goal or new habit. But for INFJs, this is a superpower. They are idealistic dreamers, but they also have immense powers of follow-through. They tend to be quite organized and will work methodically towards whatever priorities they identify.
3. Creating a Vision of the Life They Want
It’s true that INFJs can focus so much on other people that they don’t spend much time considering their ideal lives. But once they set their minds to it – by deciding they want to live intentionally – their strong Introverted Intuition makes it very easy for them to imagine the future they want to create. And having that vision is the most important foundation to making it a reality.
Practical Tips for Intentional Living as a Personality Type INFJ
Now that we know the potential pitfalls and the superpowers of the INFJ when it comes to intentional living, let’s cover some practical steps they can take to start living more authentically.
1. Journal About Your Values and Priorities
If there’s one thing INFJs love, it’s journaling. They tend to enjoy writing, and it helps them organize their thoughts. The prospect of choosing just a few things that matter most to you, along with what goals you’re going to consciously let go of, sounds intimidating. Even though it’s such a big question, you’ll be shocked by the clarity you discover when you put pen to paper. Use these journal prompts to get you started.
2. Daydream About Your Ideal Life
INFJs are also daydreamers. They’re known for zoning out. Use that to your advantage! Carve out time for you to simply imagine what your most authentic life would look like. This kind of unstructured and unfocused visualization is energizing for INFJs. This is where Introverted Intuition gets to come out and play. And while it may appear like an idle daydream to others, it can lead them to major insights and “aha” moments.
3. Write a List of What You Want to Accomplish in Life
In #1, I suggested journaling to start organizing your thoughts. Once you’ve gained some clarity, write out your top goals succinctly.
While INFJs thrive in the “daydream” state, their organization skills and effectiveness comes from their tertiary Introverted Thinking. This function craves clear steps and logical conclusions. While imagining is what will help you create your vision, writing a list is what will help you to remember it and to implement it.
Review the list each morning to remind yourself of your purpose and your priorities. This will get you in the right frame of mind to start your day on purpose. And it will help keep you from getting pulled into other people’s priorities as your day progresses.
4. Practice Saying “No” When the Stakes Are Low
We talked about how INFJs struggle with disappointing others and saying “no.” It’s a necessary skill for intentionally living. But it’s not one you’ll learn overnight if you’ve been accommodating your entire life. So, start with minor things.
For example, when your boss asks for volunteers to do something that’s not required but would help the team, don’t step forward. Or tell your kid’s school that you don’t have time to help with the upcoming event. Move through the discomfort of these interactions. This will train you out of your impulse to say “yes” and teach you that saying “no” doesn’t break relationships. In many cases, it actually makes people respect you more when you value your own time and effort.
5. Declutter Your Physical Space
Of course, given how much I love writing about decluttering, I have to include this one. But there’s a reason I consider it important for an INFJ. Inferior Extraverted Sensing means that you’re easily stressed by your environment. But, because your conscious focus isn’t on your surroundings, you usually don’t recognize that that’s what’s causing the stress. INFJs are very sensitive, and they pick up on energy from people and even from physical spaces. If you walk into your bedroom and feel anxious and uncomfortable, it’s likely because there’s a lot of stuff piled up that you haven’t dealt with. It’s sitting at the periphery of your vision, reminding you that it requires attention.
Because you’re so sensitive to your environment, an uncluttered space will give you peace of mind. Your thoughts will even feel less cluttered, allowing you to focus better on your intentions.
In addition, the process of decluttering your space mimics the process of decluttering your life to live more intentionally. It trains you to think critically about everything you have and to decide what adds value to your life and what doesn’t. It’s a great first step to prepare you for doing the same audit for your commitments, habits, and responsibilities.
What Do You Think?
Are you a personality type INFJ, or are you close to one? What do you think about the tips in this post? What has helped you live a more authentic life, and what have you struggled with in the process? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!
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