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Christmastime is fraught for minimalists. In many countries, the winter holidays mean big spending. Every person is obligated to buy things for every friend, family member, and coworker in their lives. Lists go online about what to buy the person who already has everything. People exchange useless gadgets and ugly sweaters, which then become clutter. And often we receive gifts from our closest loved ones that make us wonder if they even know us at all. Certainly, where I am in the U.S., we’re indoctrinated as children through the Santa Claus myth to the idea that Christmas is all about giving and getting stuff. All of this is in stark contrast to minimalist values. So, you might ask, is it even possible to have a minimalist Christmas? And if so, would it be hopelessly depressing?
The Struggle of the Minimalist Christmas
If you’re a minimalist or even if you dabble, I can guess how you feel during the holiday season. You want to be a minimalist, but your culture seems to demand giving and receiving objects as gifts at this time of year. Any attempt to opt out of the consumerist aspects of the holiday is taken as an affront.
I remember one year as a child, one branch of my family announced that they would not be doing a gift exchange at Christmas that year. They wouldn’t buy anyone gifts, and they also wouldn’t expect any in return. How do you think the rest of the family reacted? You guessed it – they took it very personally. It was basically seen as an intentional severing of family ties, an announcement that they didn’t want to be associated with the rest of us anymore. You might think that’s an extreme reaction, but I’ll explain below why it’s a common response to opting out of the holiday season.
By the end of December, minimalists end up with a lot of junk they don’t want. And they then have the responsibility to deal with it. It’s hard enough to sell, donate, and recycle unwanted clutter. And on top of that, you have to worry that your Aunt Susan will notice that the tacky cookie jar she bought you is not on your countertop the next time she visits.
Dealing with unwanted gifts after the holiday season leaves minimalists feeling guilty and demoralized.
Common Approaches to a Minimalist Christmas – that Fail
I’ve spent time on online forums dedicated to minimalism, and the question of how to handle gifts comes up often. No one has a great answer.
Some try to set boundaries by requesting no gifts or telling their loved ones they’re skipping the gift exchange. My own story above demonstrates how that often turns out – with hurt feelings all around. It’s taken as rejecting the relationship itself.
Others have pushy relatives who bizarrely insist on giving gifts, even after being expressly asked not to. This situation is a breeding ground for resentment. The gift giver is upset about the lack of appreciation and reciprocation. Whereas the gift receiver feels burdened by the presents they never wanted.
And anyone who’s tried making a statement about being a minimalist, rejecting consumerism, and not wanting gifts is met with eyerolls from family, who see them as a self-righteous Grinch.
An Anthropological Perspective on a Minimalist Christmas
I’d like to take a quick detour into the field of cultural anthropology to frame this discussion. Please stick with me – I promise it’s relevant! It explains why the common approaches to escaping the materialism of the holidays outlined above always fail.
The Kula Ring
When anthropologist Bronislaw Malinowski arrived in Papua New Guinea, he was mystified by a practice he encountered there. He observed thousands of men travel around the Trobriand Islands by canoe – sometimes hundreds of miles – at great risk to their own lives. You might assume that the purpose of this travel must be hunting, or finding more fertile land to settle on. Something with great importance for survival. But the reality is much stranger. They were traveling to exchange gifts with men on other islands. These gifts were of two types: a red necklace made from a disc-shaped shell, which is exchanged to the north in a clockwise direction around the “Kula Ring,” and a white shell armband, traded in the opposite direction. In other words, these are gifts with no real use. Malinowski asked the question:
Why would men risk life and limb to travel across huge expanses of dangerous ocean to give away what appear to be worthless trinkets?
The answer became clear to him as he spent more time on the islands. He found customs and ceremonies surrounding the exchange of these gifts. And the meaning behind these gift-giving ceremonies was establishing a relationship between the giver and the recipient. A relationship, intended to be lifelong, that involved mutual hospitality and assistance in conflicts.
The Kula gifts themselves generally don’t stay in one place for long. The recipient ultimately exchanges their gift with yet another member of the ring, establishing another alliance.
Does the ceremonial exchange of “useless trinkets” sound familiar? We in the West go through a similar process every December.
The Meaning of The Gift
Another work you’ll encounter in your freshman Anthro seminar is Marcel Mauss’s The Gift, in which another seminal anthropologist attempts to unravel the social purpose of gift giving.
Mauss analyzes the Kula Ring as well as similar practices around the world. His basic argument is that the act of exchanging objects as gifts is distinct from bartering or trading for economic purposes. With gift exchanges, the primary purpose is to build and maintain relationships.
A key tenet of his theory is that gift giving must be reciprocal. In just about any cultural context, if someone gives you a gift, they expect you to reciprocate with a gift of equal value. Failure to reciprocate would damage or break the relationship.
This work has been massively influential in the field of anthropology and proves how vital gift exchanges are to human societies and relationships.
An Example from Mongolia
This topic also always reminds me of the years I spent living in Mongolia, and their annual holiday of Tsagaan Sar. Tsagaan Sar is a celebration of the Lunar New Year, another winter holiday. Every year, Mongolians dedicate 3 days to visiting their loved ones and acquaintances.
There is a prescribed custom of greeting each person in the household you’re visiting, sharing a meal, and exchanging gifts. For nomads – still around a quarter of the population – traveling to all these households can be quite a lot of work. But every family does so without fail.
Why? In my view, it’s because they are establishing a kind of “annual renewal” of their social ties. This is the designated time of year to visit those you have relationships with – whether they be your mom or your childhood friend or your boss – and formally recognize that you are still in relationship.
While the specific customs observed were foreign to me as an American, the concept was the same. Once each winter, people in both cultures are required to acknowledge everyone in their social network with greetings and gifts. By doing this, we establish that we are still important to each other.
So What Does Anthropology Tell Us About How to Have a Minimalist Christmas?
Given the examples above, you can see why the concept of a “minimalist Christmas” is so fraught. Yes, we’re talking about wrapping bath bombs and insulated mugs in reindeer-themed paper – a practice that seems utterly trivial. But Malinowski and Mauss, and countless other anthropologists studying gift economies, prove that we are in the midst of some very deep and important cultural practices. Ones that determine the very fate of our relationships. It’s not so simple to opt out of this whole practice on the grounds of being a minimalist.
How to Create a Minimalist Christmas
So, what’s the solution? Are we doomed to continue this cycle of mass-producing cheap garbage to ceremonially give each other and then throw in a pile in the garage?
I argue no. Here’s my approach in a nutshell: Keep your mind on the meaning behind the gift giving. The meaning is an acknowledgement that the person giving or receiving a gift is an important person in your life. Participate, but be intentional about it.
Subheading 3: Practical Approaches to Prevent Unwanted Gifts
How can we still participate in the holiday season while minimizing how many unwanted gifts get sent our way? Try these tips:
1. Tell people directly what you want
If you’re interested in minimalism, you’ve likely heard the common advice to implement a “wish list” system for shopping. While online shopping makes it possible for you to impulse purchase something the moment you think you might want it, the “wish list” creates a roadblock. Designate one shopping day per week (or even per month!). When you think of something you want, add it to the wish list instead of buying it. That allows you some time in between thinking of the idea and shopping for you to reconsider how important it is.
If you have a wish list, you can mine it for Christmas gift requests. Admittedly, some people are offended by a direct ask for a specific gift. So, use this tool with discretion, and know your audience. But most people are absolutely relieved to get a direct request, so they don’t have to shop around and try to guess what you might want. It saves them time, and they can be sure their money isn’t wasted.
2. Ask for experiences as gifts
Similar to the tip above, this one involves being direct about what you want as a gift. If you don’t have ideas for objects that could be useful to you – which is likely if you lean towards minimalism – just ask for experiences. That could mean asking your friend to take you to a movie as a gift. Or it could mean asking your distant relative to send you a gift certificate to a nice restaurant or a spa as a gift.
This way, you’re still receiving gifts and maintaining your relationships. You’re even probably getting some nice experiences out of it. But you’re not accumulating clutter that you’ll need to clear out next spring.
3. Model anti-materialist gifts by gifting experiences to others
A common suggestion for anti-materialist gifts is something heartfelt and handmade. I think that’s a wonderful idea if you’re an excellent knitter who can make a high-quality scarf, for example. But…a lot of more amateur handmade gifts are going to become clutter. Worse, it’s the kind of clutter that feels impossible to discard because of the sentimental value attached. So, if you’re not a highly skilled artist, I recommend you don’t go this route.
Instead, you can model your vision an anti-materialist minimalist Christmas by gifting others experiences rather than objects. Again, if it’s someone local, that could mean getting two tickets to a concert you can attend together. Or it might mean sending a gift certificate for a fun experience to someone far away. Either way, it shows others that there are more creative ideas for gift-giving than coffee mugs and throw blankets.
4. Suggest quality time instead of physical gifts
Another way to break the cycle of giving junk back and forth year after year is to suggest spending time together in lieu of a gift exchange.
Several years ago, a friend of mine was going through some financial difficulty. She didn’t talk openly about it, but she was obviously stressed about spending money. I texted the group chat asking if anyone had requests for Christmas gifts. (This was before my minimalist era.) When my friend responded anxiously, I said, “What if we don’t do gifts this year and instead, we meet up and spend time together?”
The idea was a hit. It turns out none of us particularly liked the obligation to find a scented candle or decorative plate to gift each other every year. And suggesting quality time instead made us actually prioritize finding a day to meet up during the busy holiday season. We came to my place, made hot chocolate and sugar cookies, and watched a Christmas movie. It was a blast, and so much better than receiving whatever half-operational gadget we would have found on a list of top Christmas gifts for that year.
Similarly, as I’ve mentioned before, my husband and I made a “no gifts” agreement. For birthdays, Christmas, Mother’s/Father’s Day, and anniversaries, we go on a date instead of buying stuff. And we’re both so much happier with this arrangement. It reduces shopping time and the clutter in our house.
Again, this is a tool to use with discretion because some people are simply very attached to physical gifts and don’t like any alternatives. But making this arrangement with others in your life will at least cut down on your shopping and make you more patient with the ones who still want physical gifts.
What to Do with Unwanted Gifts as a Minimalist
The tips above should help you cut down on how many unwanted gifts you’re receiving this holiday season. But we all know there will still be someone who insists on sending you things you don’t particularly want. That creates stress for a minimalist, who wants to reduce clutter in their home but doesn’t want to offend the gift-giver.
Now, I’m a people-pleaser and I’m not the type to directly tell someone I don’t want their gift. If you are, then the more power to you. But here’s my more subtle formula for dealing with unwanted gifts:
1. First, appreciate the thought behind it
Even if you think the sweater your sister-in-law bought you is absolutely hideous, you can at least appreciate the thought behind the gift. She was thinking of you when she made her list of important people to remember this holiday season. And she took time to find something she thought you might like. (Even if that turned out to be a bit off base.) Appreciate the gesture behind the gift and express gratitude.
2. If possible, let the gift giver see you using/displaying it once or twice
This really isn’t necessary but see above re: me being a people pleaser. If possible, let the gift giver see you using or displaying the gift. Meet up with them in January so they can see you’re using it. It’ll make them happy.
Now, some would argue (fairly) that this only encourages the bad gift-givers in your life to keep sending you things you don’t like. I agree in a sense, but I argue that you should be proactive rather than reactive when it comes to avoiding unwanted gifts. Use the tips above to try to head off these gifts and set the tone for a minimalist Christmas before the holidays. If that doesn’t work and you receive some anyway, be gracious about them. Passive aggressively hiding them in a closet or throwing them away without a thank-you isn’t going to help the situation. It’s only going to hurt someone’s feelings.
3. Regift, sell, or donate
After the steps above, you can get rid of the gift without guilt, in my opinion. It’s important to recognize that you don’t have to keep something forever just because it was a gift. You appreciated the thought, you let the gift giver know that you’re grateful for their friendship, and now you can let the object go. You can create a minimalist Christmas by not overthinking unwanted gifts.
Some would say it’s uncouth to recommend regifting. Sure, it’s a bit tacky. But only if the recipient knows you did it. I would only use this tactic for specific situations, such as an office-mandated Secret Santa or White Elephant exchange. Or someone in your life who really wants a physical gift and won’t be happy with an experience or quality time.
Otherwise, sell or donate the item. Is it tacky to sell something you received as a gift? I’ve come to believe it’s not. The gift giver wanted to give you something you’d value and appreciate. Apparently, they got it a bit wrong. But if you can sell the gift and make some money off of it, then you’ve managed to get some value out of it. And that’s better, in my opinion, than letting it waste away in the back of your closet for the next decade.
What Do You Think?
Have you tried any of the above tips to create a minimalist Christmas? Do you have any others that have worked for you? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!
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